So, you really love her, huh? Butterflies swimming in your belly, the nightingales singing at dawn make you think of her voice, the stars at night remind you of her eyes. You’re just so in love, but you really want things to work out. Well, you’ve come to the right clinic. I’ll be your love doctor for today.
Have you noticed that dating in the 21st Century is so different from how it was with our parents? A lot can happen in just a few years. But then, do we just bend with the curve entirely or are there things we need to bring back and pay closer attention to? Well, there’s so much we must change and revisit if we want to have a relationship that stands the test of time in this century.
Disclaimer: I have to say that all I’ll be saying is applicable to a strictly heterosexual relationship. Meaning it’s not for a relationship between Adam and Steve or Madam and Eve. If you know, you know.
If you want to know my take on homosexuality from a scriptural, non-scriptural, logical and biological vantage point, watch out for that article, it’s coming out soon.
Also, if you’re not in a relationship currently, consider this preparatory information for you.
So, allow me to write your drug prescription today. You are to take these 7 pills daily.
7 Love Pills to take to help treat her right.
💊 1) LISTEN TO HER FEELINGS NOT JUST HER WORDS.
This is a superpower you need as a guy. It’s a form of discernment really. One thing you need to know about the ladies is that there are times to take their words as they come, and there are other times not to. I’ll explain this using the lyrics of the hit single- What Do You Mean by Justin Bieber, which say:
“What do you mean?
When you nod your head yes
But you wanna say no
What do you mean?
When you don’t want me to move
But you tell me to go”
It’s a situation where a girl says something but means something else, usually the exact opposite. Something like this:
“How are you darling?”
“Ahn ahn, just fine? Talk to me na babe.”
“Please just leave me alone.”
*Boyfriend walks out*
“Can you imagine?! So, he actually left!”
Does this scenario sound familiar? It’s a case of the lady saying something she didn’t mean but expecting you to know how she felt; opposite to what she said. I hope you can relate with this.
Of course, there are times she means what she says and just wants her space. But let your default action be one that listens beyond her words. If she says, “leave me alone”, stay a while with her. Show utmost concern, cheer her up, make her laugh. Show her what it means to stand by her in the good, bad and ugly. Don’t go with the first NO or LEAVE ME ALONE or I DON’T WANNA TALK, wait a while and listen to her heart. Memorize her. Learn how her emotions communicate and let yours come alive too. Don’t ever be insensitive to her needs. Listen beyond her words. Listen to her heart.
💊 2) ATTENTION IS NOT THAT EXPENSIVE
You must realize one thing about the ladies; and your lady, that she can be quite expressive in talking. Sometimes she may just rant and ramble about anything that happens. Sometimes, she may be a bit conservative in speech (depending on her temperament and mood at the time). Whatever the case may be.
You must have noticed by now that the generation we live in is one in which we have reduced attention spans. We’ve learnt to chase amusement all the time that we get impatient and bored when there’s not much excitement in a thing. And that also applies to day-to-day conversations.
When she speaks, listen for the details. Make sure nothing passes your ear because her words are that important. Drop every distraction, till she’s the only in focus at the moment’s breath. She’s worth the focus, she’s worth the attention, so pay it.
So honestly, attention really isn’t that expensive. Yes, I said it guys. It really isn’t expensive!!! So, you can pay it! You can pay attention!!!
*Picks it up again.* *Checks if the mic is still working, Continues talking*
Too dramatic? Yeah, I figured.
💊 3) LOVE HER LIKE CRAZYIt’s okay to put your eggs in one basket even when you’re dating. In fact, you should. Don’t be with her and yet be having options of other ladies you could date if things don’t work out with her. If you’re going to be with her, be with… Click To Tweet
It’s okay to put your eggs in one basket even when you’re dating. In fact, you should. Don’t be with her and yet be having options of other ladies you could date if things don’t work out with her. If you’re going to be with her, be with her. Be single-minded and single-sighted or else you’ll simply end up as single.
If you will be committed to her and the relationship, you must love her deeply. Love her on a pedestal above yourself. Put her needs before yours and let her come as priority in all things. This way you’re practising to love her like Christ loved you.
(3) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. (4) Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4
Love her beyond her skin and looks. Know everything you can about her. Study her like your favourite book. Love her like crazy. Be there for her in the good times, the bad seasons, and the ugly phases. Let her know you’re there to stay and drive the relationship to a purposeful end in marriage. In fact, you are to practice your wedding vows in your relationship even before the marriage happens.
Worst case scenario, perhaps things don’t work out, you’ll simply, yet painfully, cut your losses, burn bridges and get back your eggs for another worthy basket. But don’t have a partial commitment when you’re in the relationship. Let it be that while you were in it, you were fully committed. Chances are you would have built a higher propensity to stay faithful in your future marriage.
💊 4) KNOW WHEN IT’S A VENT OR A REVERT
This might be speculative of me, but I believe that there are times when a lady goes through a rough patch or gets upset and irritated by something or someone, that she would want to vent without having her listener revert to her. What that means is she may just need a listening ear and not a speaking mouth. Sometimes, she really doesn’t need a counsellor, she needs a confidant.
You probably may be asking, “Well how would I know what she wants? Women are so unpredictable and confusing sometimes honestly man… argh!”Brothers, develop the emotional depth in your relationship that makes you feel what your woman feels. True empathy. Click To Tweet
And to that I’ll say, it’s okay to ask her what she wants. First, you need to put yourself in her shoes and know exactly how she’s feeling. Develop that emotional depth in your relationship that makes you feel what she feels. True empathy. Let her know that you care about what she cares about, and that you are concerned about what concerns her. If you can relate entirely to it, let her know too without being obnoxious about it.
Then at the end, you can literally ask her if she wants you to advise her on what to do about or if she just needs a show of affection (e.g. holding her hand, hugging her as long as it’s a show of affection you’re both comfortable with).
Be sensitive to know when it’s a vent and know when to revert (respond). And when in doubt, be sure to ask.
💊 5) SURPRISE HER
I’d like to believe that most ladies love to be pleasantly surprised. It really doesn’t have to be something too grandiose all the time. It could be the little things like remembering little details she didn’t expect you to remember, surprising her with a gift that has sentimental value, having a surprise outing to some of her favourite places, and the list goes on.
It really is okay to spoil her as often as you can. Bring some light and sparkle into her day. (Ladies reading this, please note that this applies to you too *inserts dark moon emoji*)
If your girl does not like surprises in any form, find out why that is, but respect her wishes and keep the surprises to a bare minimum.
💊 6) LEAD BY SERVICE
In a world ruled by toxic masculinity running through their veins, it’s little wonder why we have so many feminist extremists these days; I call them Hyper-Feminists. And you really can’t blame them.
I’ll try not to veer from this topic into feminism, but sometimes, ladies wear feminism or the demeanour of being a “hard guy hard guy” mainly because of the fear of being maltreated and bullied even in their relationships.
Of course, there are other bigger reasons for feminism, for example fighting for gender rights equality, but somehow, it’s become an offense mechanism in the hands of many. They wouldn’t have to fight for their rights if their rights were respected and upheld by the men.
I said all that to arrive here, please lead your woman with love, respect and humility. Your leadership to her is one of service. Now, the level of mutual submission in a dating relationship is definitely not the same as that in a marriage. But if you would play your role – lead and give direction to your relationship, you would need to do it the way Christ did his. You must lead and love with sacrifice. Be willing to help.“The place of a woman is not in the kitchen, her place is in the heart of the man she loves” – Kenneth Olusanya. Click To Tweet
As I’d always say “The place of a woman is not in the kitchen, her place is in the heart of the man she loves” – Kenneth Olusanya.
Sweet abi? *Inserts cool sunglasses guy emoji* But it’s true.
In a typical African society, this may be hard to swallow, but if you truly want to lead, then by all means, serve her! Don’t see her as less than you or subservient, esteem her higher than you do yourself. Let her see you as a solace a place she can call home, a place of comfort and peace.
💊 7) LOVE HER LOVED ONES
Much more to say, but I’ll stop here for now. Learn to include her into your life, as well as her family. Don’t just love her and forget about the people she loves too. At the end of the day, marriage is not just a union of individuals, it’s a union of families.
Even if you don’t want to seem too forward and “scare” her as to how seriously you’re driving the relationship, you should least know the simple details. Know her parents and their names, what they do for a living. Know her siblings’ names, their current schools or places of work, whatever the case may be. And perhaps you’ve already met the family and they know you, let them know how much you love their daughter, but more importantly, let them perceive your love for them too.
Conversely, some others are of the opinion that family business needs to stay out of the relationship because it makes things messy if things don’t work out eventually in the relationship. But really, why think that way? Yes, it does happen that relationships fail and mess things up further when family is involved. But, why not believe things will work out and the beauty that comes from being a part of another family?
It’s okay to be optimistic and hopeful about your relationship, while putting in all the required effort. Even if things do end, there’s a proper and respectful way to end things that ensures you’re not at odds with her family.
That will be all for now.
Dearest patient, I wish you good success in your romantic pursuits.
When shall we have our next appointment?
LDr. Kenneth Olusanya,
The Love Doctor.
(By the way, “LDr.” is the title given to a love doctor. It’s actually a real thing…I think. Lol)
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